Winged: confessions of a perfectionist


The following text is an accompaniment to a short film I made which can be found here. I strongly advise you watch it before reading this. And maybe watch it again after reading this.

Clean. Neat. Proper. Perfect. The things that motivate my main character, played by me. And to a certain extent, they also motivate me.Winged is about a young woman who is so much of a perfectionist that if not literally every little thing is perfect, she freaks out. She’ll fixate and focus on that one thing and abandon all of her other responsibilities. She will not think about anything else except that one little tiny imperfection. It is said that perfectionists are the greatest procrastinators, because nothing will ever be perfect or good enough and so they postpone everything because they’re afraid of facing the reality that they are not perfect, that nothing is. This is exactly how I’ve been feeling and behaving for the past year.

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@paolonutini thank you for the most amazing night ever! xo xo

@paolonutini thank you for the most amazing night ever! xo xo

22 February, 22 years, 22 lessons


Huzzah! Bang the drums and blow the horns, release the doves and let the horses run free for on this blessed twenty-second day of the month of February I have turned the tender age of twenty-two. 22 on the 22nd, my “crown birthday.”

And in my 22 years I have learned quite a lot and am very happy with the progress I’ve made over the years. I’ve learned a lot of things from a lot of people, people without whom I would not have been the same person. So here, I’ve compiled a list of 22 important life lessons that I would like to share with you. I wrote them as lessons about myself, because I’m trying this new thing where I don’t tell people what to do, but tell people what I do and leave it up to them to decide whether they want to apply that to their own lives or not (I’ll get back to that later).

1. Loving myself is a priority. Because I cannot expect other people to love me, if I don’t even love me. The way I treat myself is reflected in how I treat others. If I am kind and gentle and loving with myself, I can be the same with other people. I can only give love to others if I give love to myself first.

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spent the first night of 22 dancing the night away. couldn’t think of a better way to celebrate. happy birthday to me!

so this finally happened yesterday:

and all because Sherlock series 3 happened and I’ve been obsessively blogging about it you have no idea how much this series has done for me okay



"we almost dated" is such a weird relationship to have with someone

Plus the sequel “we never got closure”

And then the side adaptation “as a result I have a weird crush that never died”


date night with my boyfriend!

by date night I mean watch the entire harry potter series in my bedroom alone and by boyfriend I mean my laptop.

Bold whats true about you


You just learned a bit about me:

  • I am a cuddler.
  • I am a morning person. 
  • I am an only child.
  • I am currently in my pajamas.
  • I am currently pregnant.
  • I am left handed.
  • l am right handed
  • I am ambidextrous
  • I am a little shy around another gender. 
  • I bite my nails. 
  • I can be paranoid at times. 
  • I enjoy country music.
  • I enjoy smoothies.
  • I enjoy talking on the phone.
  • I have a car.
  • I have/had a hard time paying attention at school.
  • I have a hidden talent.
  • I have a pet.
  • I have a tendency to fall for the “wrong” person.
  • I have all my grandparents. 
  • I have been to another country.
  • I have been told that I have an unusual sense of humor.
  • I have caller I.D. on my phone.
  • I have bathed someone.
  • I have changed a diaper.
  • I have changed a lot over the past year.
  • I have friends who have never seen my natural hair color.
  • I have had major/minor surgery.
  • I have killed another person.
  • I have had my hair cut within the last week.
  • I have mood swings.
  • I have no idea what I want to do for the rest of my life.
  • I have rejected someone before.
  • I like the taste of blood. 
  • I love Michael Jackson.
  • I love sleeping.
  • I love to shop.
  • I own 100 CDs or more.
  • I own and use a library card.
  • I read books for pleasure in my spare time. 
  • I sleep a lot during the day. 
  • I watch soap operas on a regular basis.
  • I work at a job that I enjoy.
  • I would get plastic surgery if it were 100% safe, free of cost, and scar-free. 
  • I am wearing socks.
  • I am tired.
  • I love to paint/draw/sketch/sculpt.
  • I consume at least one alcoholic drink every month. 

I have/had:

  • Finished college. (my BA, going for my MA in september)
  • Smoked cigarettes. 
  • Ridden every ride at an amusement park.
  • Collected something really stupid.
  • Gone to a concert.
  • Helped someone.
  • Spun turn tables.
  • Watched four movies in one night.
  • Been broken up with. 
  • Taken a college level course. 
  • Been in a car accident. (sorta, nothing major)
  • Been in a tornado.
  • Watched someone die.
  • Been to a funeral.
  • Burned yourself. 
  • Ran a marathon.
  • Your parents got divorced.
  • Cried yourself to sleep. 
  • Spent over $200 in one day
  • Cheated on someone.
  • Been cheated on.
  • Written a 10 page letter.
  • Had a best friend.
  • Lost someone you loved.
  • Skipped school. 
  • Gotten in trouble for something you didn’t do.
  • Stolen books from the library. 
  • Been in a mental hospital.
  • Watched the “Harry Potter” movies.
  • Fired a gun.
  • Been in a school play.
  • Been fired from a job.
  • Taken a lie detector test.
  • Swam with dolphins.
  • Attempted suicide.
  • Written poetry.
  • Read more than 20 books a year.
  • Gone to Europe (I live in Europe)
  • Loved someone you couldn’t have.
  • Used a colouring book over age 12.
  • Had surgery.
  • Had stitches.
  • Taken a taxi.
  • Had more than 5 online conversations going at once. 
  • Had a hamster.
  • Dyed your hair.
  • Had something pierced.(besides my ears? no)
  • Gotten straight A’s.
  • Been handcuffed.

My hair is naturally the color:

  • Light brown
  • Medium brown
  • Dark brown
  • Blonde
  • Black
  • Dirty blonde 
  • Strawberry blonde
  • Multicoloured
  • Red

My eyes are:

  • Brown
  • Dark Brown
  • Blue
  • Green
  • Hazel
  • Light brown
  • A combination of things
  • Ice Blue
  • Grey

People sometimes label me as:

  • Slut
  • Girly
  • Ugly
  • Nerd
  • Other

Some of my biggest fears are:

  • Spiders/other insects 
  • Slimy things
  • Dying
  • Doctor/Dentist appointments 
  • Hospitals 
  • Needles
  • Disease
  • Being alone in the dark
  • Heights
  • Small spaces
  • Oceans/large bodies of water
  • Holes
  • Large animals
  • Small animals
  • Open spaces
  • Lightning
  • Tornadoes

I have:

  • A friend with benefits
  • A laptop in my room
  • A television in my room
  • Good grades
  • My own car 
  • Married parents

I’m usually totally fine with being single, but Christmas is the one time a year when it’s being shoved in my face and it just makes me sad and wish I wasn’t lying in bed by myself watching a whole friends season but cuddling under a blanket while drinking hot cocoa and I just

crown braid, bitches.

crown braid, bitches.

Why I shouldn’t be allowed to interact with famous people.

Okay kids, story time. Here follows Chapter 1054 in The Ever Embarrassing (Mis)adventures of Anlieka or, Anlieka, Stop What Are You Doing Just Stop.

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Pretty does hurt.

Unless you live under a rock, you probably know about Queen B’s recent “surprise” album release. I finally got around to watching the whole thing and let me tell you, it is fucking FLAWLESS. Beyoncé really has outdone herself, and I am kicking myself for not getting tickets to her concert.

Anyway, the new album features 14 new songs and 17 new videos. I’ve watched all 17 and was blown away. But there was 1 out of the 17 that really touched my heart. It’s the first video in the series: Pretty Hurts. In the video Bey is a contestant in a beauty pageant and it shows the pressure many women feel to “be pretty”.

While the setting for the video was that of a beauty pageant, an environment in which explicit emphasis is put on physical appearance, the pressure to “be pretty” is constantly present in the everyday life of every woman. When I was younger, I felt that same pressure. Even now, I still do. Every single day we are bombarded with images and representations of women who represent a certain aesthetic ideal and we are implicitly told that if we do not adhere to this ideal, we’re not worthy of anyone’s attention or time or even love.

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so yesterday at work my boss said that February is the quietest month and that we need to think of a way to keep the customers coming and another colleague suggested a valentine’s day special thing and I just shouted, “NO NO VALENTINE’S DAY STUFF”. and everyone was like “why?” and I just screamed “BECAUSE I’M SINGLE AND BITTER” and everyone just started laughing like it was a joke and I just laughed along but on the inside I was dying because it’s totally true and fml



Arms reaching, grasping sheets
There’s a chair that suddenly became vacant

Breakfast, lunch and dinner aloneBlooming roses have lost their fragrance

Talking, laughing with friends
Smiling at an empty space

Keeping busy, going on, moving on
Is hard when everything feels out of place

"Out of sight, out of mind,"
Nothing is more untrue

For here you are, out of sight
And still, all I can think of is you

this year my halloween costume will be a 20-something year old with an existential crisis and no future prospects